In-Flight announcement - State of Economy (Parody)

(From an email)

Ladies and Gentlemen:

This is your Captain Ben Bernanke speaking. Welcome to the now-bankrupt U.S.A. Air, flight number 1929, non-stop service to Depressionville.

After reaching a cruising altitude of 5.25 %, we’ll steadily drop down to 2.0 % and hold it there for a long time before crash landing at Depressionville.

For your safety, please bundle-up Treasury Bills and stay in dollar. Federal law prohibits speculating in commodities.

Our in-flight entertainment will feature two Market Watch films, “2 Dollar Gas,” starring Rex Nutting as comedian, and “Bull Run,” starring Mark Hulbert.

In the unlikely event we loose cabin pressure, there will be a ten dollar surcharge to use the Oxygen mask.

After reaching the cruising altitude, we will be serving you complimentary doses of Prozak and Maylox.

If there is anything we can do to reduce your inflation pain, please do not hesitate to contact one of our flight attendants to receive a low CPI number.

Thank you for choosing U.S.A. air for your final destination, sit back and rest in peace.